


Tonight I’ll Send the Glow of That Day’s Firefly To Somewhere Near Your Window

by feidlimid



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Childhood Memories, Choi Seungcheol is an obnoxious hyung, Fireflies, Jeon Wonwoo has feelings too big for his words, M/M, Pining, Pre-debut, Puppy Love, Texting, Train Conversations, idolverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:13:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26492461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feidlimid/pseuds/feidlimid
Summary: The train sped through another set of fields, and, after he took off his glasses thinking that it might make the glare a little less distracting, Wonwoo pressed his face even more closely to the streaky plexiglass. He knew fireflies were more common along riverbanks, and maybe just maybe, if the train slowed down a little when it crossed over the river into Miryang, he might catch a glimpse of green again...so familiar and yet so hard to grasp...*Ben Wyatt voice* It’s about the yearning.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Tonight I’ll Send the Glow of That Day’s Firefly To Somewhere Near Your Window

**Author's Note:**

> My very first fanfic and it’s Soonwoo.
> 
> Disclaimer: I have never been to the Muju Firefly Festival, and I’m 99% sure that given its conservationist advertising it would *not* endorse children attempting to catch fireflies with their bare hands. Please forgive my creative liberties.

Seungcheol leaned his head to rest against the window...probably listening to some old ballad from their parents’ generation again...as Wonwoo anxiously checked his phone. Still no reply even though he had sent his last sticker at least two hours ago. The train ride down to Changwon always lasted a little longer than Wonwoo remembered, as he tried to zone out and focus on enjoying the taste of his family’s cooking instead of the instant ramen and convenience store rice balls they mostly subsisted on. Another two minutes pass...another check of the phone. Nothing... At this point, a sigh audible enough to break through Seungcheol’s listening escaped Wonwoo’s lips, and the older boy turned to him with a look of mild exasperation at being interrupted from a particularly poignant rendition of “Goodbye Now.”

“Would you just say something to him already? Expecting Soonyoung to get the message through expertly chosen KakaoTalk stickers...is an exercise in defeat.”

“I just don’t want to bother him,” Wonwoo replied. “He’s probably still packing before his parents come pick him up, too...I don’t want to mmm...intrude.”

And besides, he didn’t even really know what the message he wanted Soonyoung to get even...was. He had always felt a special rapport with him since they entered the company, but he envied the way that Soonyoung clung to Jihoon or babied Chan. Even though they were the same age (in fairness to him, so was Jihoon), sometimes he wanted to feel...wanted, needed...like he was worthy of Soonyoung’s attention. He tried to ignore the way that that manifested in unnecessary bouts of teasing, excessive lap sitting, and always being the first to volunteer to stay behind at practice to help work through a particularly knotty bit of choreography. 

Seungcheol interrupted his thoughts, “You know he’d probably be grateful for the distraction. You know how breaks always throw him off...how he’s on top of everyone the moment we come back to practice.” And he was right. Even if it was only three or four days, a long weekend basically, Soonyoung was always the first to enthusiastically welcome everyone back. He needed the break from the pressures of racing towards debut as much as anyone, but they all knew there was something a little isolating about going home and feeling out of place, like the people they were once closest to were unable to understand an experience that was reshaping their entire lives.

“But...the fact that you want him to be on top of you first of all...that’s another matter.” Seungcheol continued looking at the sunset burning the fields into a golden blur, but kicked Wonwoo’s foot where it hid underneath the row of seats in front of them.

Wonwoo glared at him. Even if his attachment to Soonyoung was obvious to Seungcheol after months of riding the train together back and forth to school, did he really need to call him out like that?

“It’s not...like that.”

“Please, you think I don’t see you lurking over in a corner waiting for him to notice you every time he walks into the room?” Seungcheol turned to give him a pointed look. Wonwoo refused to meet his eyes.

“You liiiiiike him!” The older boy began to singsong while poking at Wonwoo’s sides.

“Oh my god, stop. We’re on the train!” Wonwoo laughed uncomfortably as he shifted away from his friend’s reach. 

“Alright, if you don’t like him, then how would you describe it?”

They settled into a slightly uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before Wonwoo tried to formulate a response. 

“He’s just...” 

Seungcheol cut him a look. “I didn’t ask about him. I asked about you. What do  _you_ think about him?”

Wonwoo’s brain provided five different answers within the span of two seconds. _I want to take him to the arcade with me. I want to go to cafes with him. I want to hold his hand not as a joke. I want to tell him how beautiful he is. I want to spend forever with him._

He managed to croak out, “I think he’s...a good friend.”

Seungcheol rolled his eyes farther into his skull than seemed possible. “I haven’t been training in a company with a bunch of hormonal teenagers for five fricking years to not recognize ‘I realllyyyyyy want this boy to kiss me.’ energy when I see it.”

Wonwoo shifted uncomfortably in his seat, as the image of Soonyoung’s lips sprung into his mind. “Hyung, stop!” 

“You look at him like the sun shines out his ass. And in all fairness...it does. But are you really ever going to get anywhere by just sitting on your feelings and hoping one day he realizes that a Kakao sticker putting on sunglasses is a love confession?”

“It’s not  _feelings_ feelings! It’s not like I have a crush like some 12-year-old kid. I just want him to know that someone’s...thinking about him.”

Seungcheol paused for a few moments, turned to look absently at the emergency exit map in front of him, and shook his head with a quiet groan that quickly slid into a chuckle. 

“Wonwoo, if it’s not a crush, then what is it? Why are you so freaked out over a text message? Not even...a  _sticker_? It’s been 3 hours since you talked to him last, and you’re already jonesing for him. Tell me, what do you call that if not a crush?”

“He’s just...he’s just someone I want to...”

A slightly mechanical voice interrupted him before he could finish his thought. “In a few moments, we’ll be arriving at Dongdaegu Station. Please make sure to collect all your belongings before leaving the train.”

“This is me.” Seungcheol slowly stood up, stretched, and awkwardly eased himself around Wonwoo’s long legs before stepping out into the aisle. He looked down and considered Wonwoo for a moment before pursing his lips and resolving to say something. “Just...let him know you miss him. It’s okay to miss someone even when they’re...right here.” Seungcheol tapped his chest lightly before reaching up to grab his bag from the rack. After swinging it across his back, he gingerly clapped a hand on Wonwoo’s shoulder. “I’ll see you in a couple days.”

Wonwoo shrugged his hand off with a small smile, “Stop trying to be my dad, hyung. I’ll figure it out.” Seungcheol nodded slowly and laughed before walking towards the doors, as the train approached the platform and slowed down.

Wonwoo slid over into the empty window seat...and checked his phone again. His animated sticker dancing next to the little yellow “1” seemed to mock the itchy anticipation that had settled into something more irritated over the course of the last two hours. As the train pulled out of Daegu, he sighed and contemplated the next hour of riding through the countryside—not to mention the half hour on the bus from the station—without Seungcheol’s teasing to pull him out of his head.

The sun had sunk lower in the sky, and as it began to become harder and harder to make out the outline of the fields against the mountains, Wonwoo thought about Seungcheol’s question again. What really  _was_ it that kept him constantly drawn to Soonyoung, riling him up, egging on his dumb plans, smiling quietly off to the side when he and Seokmin practiced some new skit? Okay, okay, he knew it was a crush...had known it was a crush for at least the last year, but...what did it mean to like someone, to want their undivided attention at least for a second...to want to be the first person they come to when the inevitable loneliness of home sinks in? Wonwoo curled in on himself a bit as he rummaged through his backpack for headphones. It was honestly selfish of him to even want that much from Soonyoung...from Hoshi...given all the pressure he felt to take care of the team. He had been choreographing for their next evaluation right up until break, and Wonwoo had felt the stress and exhaustion sink into his voice, even as he yelled encouragement during practice. 

He sat back and sighed, wiggling his earbuds into a comfortable position and connecting the cord to his MP3 player. For all the times that people said Soonyoung was too much, sometimes Wonwoo felt like the same could be said for him. Sure, he might be quiet, but the degree to which he  _wanted_ ...wanted their team to be successful, wanted to find his place in the group, wanted to find his place with Soonyoung...rumbled under the surface of his skin in a way he couldn’t really put into words yet. So instead, it leaked out in his body language, in his glances, in the weird biting habit he was sure he had picked up from Seungcheol. In the way he was drawn to Soonyoung, to his energy...but also to his moments of quiet, tired introspection, when he retreated from the noise of the practice room and Wonwoo came to sit beside him. But when Soonyoung never reached for him in the same way...was so willing to burn so brightly for so many people...sometimes Wonwoo just felt like he was sitting on a seesaw, weighing it down, but knowing that Soonyoung could launch him straight into the air with a single glance. And sure, maybe “articulating his feelings” or “actually saying something for the love of god” (Thanks, hyung.) would make things feel a little more balanced. But at this stage of their not-quite-careers, when their ability to work together was the only thing that would get them to the starting line, Wonwoo couldn’t imagine burdening Soonyoung with the task of managing his messy, excessive...crush. 

He looked out the window again, eyes now straining against the twilight. 

As the first notes of IU’s cover of “Dreams in Summer Night” began playing, he remembered another summer, long before any of this began, when his parents drove the family up to Muju for the firefly festival. Even though the air conditioning on the train blew coolly overhead, he could still feel the way the weeds in the field tickled and scratched his arms while he and his brother wandered around with little nets, waiting for the first flickers to start. It had only taken about ten minutes of waiting before the anticipated blinks began, slowly at first, but then washing the entire area around the river with green light. A little eerie, but familiar. 

He remembered reaching out his hand, trying to touch, even just for a second, the otherworldly glow that seemed to have enchanted the entire world. Each time, the bugs eluded his grasp, though he couldn’t help but chuckle at the smaller children trying even harder than he was to grab flashes of light with their tiny hands. In the end, he had given up, and his family walked back to the riverbank, where people were writing wishes onto paper lanterns. A hastily written wish for scholastic success sent up with a little bit of fire seemed like little more than a shallow reflection of spending time with creatures that could make light on their own...but maybe that’s as close as people can get. Maybe touching something that burns with light so bright that it draws everyone to it, and yet can make you feel a little like you’re the only person in a magical world...just wasn’t in the cards for Wonwoo.

The train sped through another set of fields, and, after he took off his glasses thinking that it might make the glare a little less distracting, Wonwoo pressed his face even more closely to the streaky plexiglass. He knew fireflies were more common along riverbanks, and maybe just maybe, if the train slowed down a little when it crossed over the river into Miryang, he might catch a glimpse of green again...so familiar and yet so hard to grasp...

“In a few moments, we’ll be arriving at Miryang Station. Please make sure to collect all your belongings before leaving the train.” The voice startled Wonwoo back from the window, and he tuned back in to the passengers stirring around him, grabbing their luggage with the mixture of fatigue and relief that came from being home. Wonwoo slumped back into his seat again and dared to fish his phone out of his pocket. Nothing besides a message from his brother confirming his arrival time and a blurry photo of his parents busily preparing dinner in the kitchen. He fired off a brief reply and gave himself an internal sidelong glance for the disappointment he felt at seeing his loving parents rather than a goofy gif from Soonyoung. 

“Miryang Station. This is Miryang Station. Please watch your s-” Wonwoo quickly scrolled through the songs in his MP3 player and put on “Peach” to muffle the automated announcement. He normally wasn’t bothered by the rhythmic punctuations of time and location that marked his journey from Seoul to Changwon, anchoring him in place every thirty minutes or so. But today, when every part of him felt pulled between longing for the place that felt like home...and the person who was starting to feel something like it too, the sonic reminder that they’d be apart threatened to irritate his already frayed nerves. Gently dropping his phone back onto the tray table in front of him, he settled back into a more comfortable position and let his mind wander...

_Soonyoung would be so cute at the firefly festival... Maybe someday...if we ever get a break while it’s happening...we could go down together._ The faces of the other boys appeared too, Seokmin smiling brightly, Mingyu wanting to try the food at every single stall...but Wonwoo’s brain gently waved them away. Like a flash, Soonyoung’s voice echoed through his memory. _“_ _If we ever get to travel, I want to go somewhere with Wonwoo. At least he wouldn’t be picky like you, Jihoon.”_

Wonwoo let a small smirk form on his face. It had just been a joke, a one-off comment during some conversation prompt thrown out by their faceless production director, but that hadn’t stopped the way his heart jumped a little bit at the thought of train trips...Soonyoung’s head falling heavily on his shoulder while he napped, snapping photos of Soonyoung’s dumb poses at tourist spots...a time away from work without the pang of being unable to express just exactly *what* one needed a vacation from. 

_I bet he’d like the insect house. It’s funny the way he’s so curious about things...even though he’s a little scared of them, too. Oh, and there was Taekwondo when we went..._ Wonwoo imagined Soonyoung’s face appreciating the demonstration, laughing at the kids playing by the river, smiling up at him as they raised a paper lantern into the air... As IU’s voice whispered a final “My heart keeps going to you...it really seems like I’m going crazy,” he scrubbed his hands over his face. All this thought for a boy who can’t even bother to text him back in a timely fashion. Even though he was sure he was home in Maseok by now.

As the last bits of summer light faded from the sky, Wonwoo closed his eyes again and leaned against the window. No luck spotting fireflies at Miryang...and the speed at which the KTX would cross the Nakdong before gliding into Changwon would prevent him from being able to clearly make out the city lights, much less the gentle glow of bioluminescence. He drifted back into memories of that summer at Muju so long ago...

_“Son, you’ll scare them away if you keep swatting at them like that.”_ His mother’s voice rang out across the field after she had indulged his desire to return to the fireflies after they had sent their lantern into the sky. By this point of the evening, the festival was starting to empty out, stalls being packed away, and organizers cleaning up in preparation for the next day of visitors. _“_ _I know, Mom...I just want to catch one before we go...” “What if you try standing still? Maybe they’ll come to you?_ ”  He sighed with petulant exasperation but decided to try it since nothing else was working. He stood...five minutes passed...even though he could barely make out her outline against the dimming light of the festival, Wonwoo felt his mother’s impatience building. His brother was already sleeping in the car, and his dad was definitely not going to be thrilled at the delay to getting back on the road. He let out a final dejected sigh and began to walk toward his mother when, for a second, less than a second, a firefly landed on his nose and lit up his glasses with a quick flash before buzzing away to the river. _“_ _Mom! Mom! Did you see it? I caught one! He landed right on me!”_ Wonwoo’s mother had, of course, missed the whole thing, but she still ruffled his hair before hustling him toward the parking lot. _“_ _Let’s go find Dad before we wind up getting home after midnight...”_

Wonwoo smiled to himself at the memory of how much of a brat he had been. Honestly, he couldn’t quite remember himself if the bug had landed on him or if his sheer imaginative will had etched the story into his memory, but, at this point, was there really a difference? He kept his eyes shut as an 808 drum beat introduced the one Drake song Hansol had added into his MP3 player, only to be disturbed by a gentle wave of blue light washing over his face from below. He groggily looked down, but the little red 1 on the upper corner of the yellow and brown box made his eyes snap open. He hesitated a bit before tapping the icon. What if he had somehow annoyed Soonyoung or stressed him out more than he already was? What if it was a message telling him off...or asking for space? Then he remembered that Soonyoung and space were two concepts that were unlikely to cross paths in this universe, and opened the app.

“Hahahahahahaha”

“That’s it?” Wonwoo muttered...before three bouncing dots made him worry at his lip in anticipation.

“Sorry I didn’t reply faster.”

“I left my charger at the dorm”

*sweat drop sticker*

“Then my phone died in the car”

“And I had to use my sister’s charger when I got home”

“But she was using it already”

“So I had to wait”

“Lolololololol”

Wonwoo rolled his eyes and typed out the most common phrase he used in the 96-line group chat. “Typical Hoshi.” As he laid his phone back down on the tray table, he couldn’t stop the warmth blooming through his chest. His phone flashed again, and his fingers embarrassingly slipped as he tried to swipe to unlock. Once he opened the chat again, a fuzzy rectangle appeared on the left, waiting to resolve into a recognizable image. As Wonwoo watched the small circle go round and round on the placeholder, he cursed himself for not having invested in a better data plan. After thirty seconds that felt like ten minutes, a not unattractive image of Soonyoung, flopped on his bed with freshly showered hair, appeared in the chat. ”Bored already :/“

Wonwoo grinned and immediately sent him a selfie back, captioned “Hour 3 on the train. Fluorescent light is...not my friend.” 

Another chirp. “It’s not your enemy either hahahaha”

Wonwoo grimaced at his phone and sent a sticker of Muzi sticking out their tongue. Maybe not the most sophisticated way to flirt...and certainly not the emotional clarity Seungcheol was pushing him toward but...for now it would do. One minute later, a matching sticker appeared on the other side of the screen, and for now...it would do. 

As the train pulled into Changwon, Wonwoo nearly forgot to grab his things. His fingers fumbled as they jammed his phone back into his pocket, and he hurriedly swung his backpack over his shoulder before lifting an overnight bag from where he had stashed it. He stepped off the train and navigated across the platform toward the ticket gates. Moving through the station had always felt so easy before he moved to Seoul during middle school. But now that he was more used to the hustle and bustle of massive subway stations, it was hard to return to the natural flow of a quiet regional station a little past the end of rush hour. At least, that’s what he told himself, though on some level, he knew that the excitement of checking what new nonsense Soonyoung had sent him was making him clumsier than usual. Even so, the regular buzz in his pocket from Soonyoung continuously spamming him grounded him, keeping him tethered in place, even if not in space.And as he made his way outside and waited for the bus to arrive, another familiar flash lit up the denim of his jeans. He pulled out his phone, sent another sticker, and smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I guess I write Soonwoo now. This is my very first fic, so thank you to anyone who made it to the end of this self-indulgent exploration of pre-debut Wonwoo’s ~feels~ 
> 
> The story was prompted by me being unable to stop thinking about fireflies and Wonwoo’s love for “Through the Night” but also the bond between Scoups and Wonwoo from going to high school together and both being boys from the south. It kind of bloomed out into a larger vibe based on multiple IU songs and Wonwoo’s general Pining (tm).
> 
> I think I imagined this to be set some time in July-August 2014, but tbh I didn’t dig deep enough into pre-debut lore to confirm whether or not that’s a viable timeline.
> 
> Thanks to Janie for encouraging me to be a more active fangirl, beta’ing this meditation on yearning, and dragging me into Carat Hell in the first place. Thanks also to The Horangdolly for being my perpetual enthusiastic and supportive reader. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it, and if you want to hang out on Twitter, find me @TheS_standsfor.


End file.
